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Third Christmas©
Here on Earth we are bound by time
But I know that you soar free.
No need to think about tomorrow
Or how things ought to be.
Christmas is getting closer here
Everyone is preparing,
To celebrate our Savior’s birth
At least those that still are caring.
So many have forgotten
What this season means,
For the one who now holds you there
They do not seem to cling.
Most people now prefer ‘holiday’
Instead of ‘Christmas’ it seems.
They have forgotten that Jesus
Is the reason we should sing.
This would have been your third
With presents ‘round the tree.
But even though we can’t see you,
I know you are filled with glee.
So, as we count down to Christmas,
I say a little prayer,
That I will always remember
You are happy there.
On Earth, time still binds us,
Days, weeks, months, and years.
And often I still shed the tears.
I miss you, Vaughn, and always will,
I’ve loved you from the start.
Until some day I soar with you,
You’re with me in my heart.
Copyright by Dee Motto, December 2007
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We Remember Them ~ A Litany of Remembrance
From ‘The Gates of Prayer’
This poem is read at the local Walk To Remember each year.
We Remember Them
In the rising of the sun and its going down,
We Remember Them.
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,
We Remember Them.
In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring,
We Remember Them.
In the blueness of the sky
and in the warmth of the summer,
We Remember Them.
In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn,
We Remember Them.
When we are weary and in need of strength,
We Remember Them.
When we are lost and sick at heart,
We Remember Them.
When we have joys we yearn to share,
We Remember Them.
So long as we live, they too shall live,
for they are now a part of us,
We Remember Them.
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Dearest Daughter©
A grandparent's loss is often called a double-loss. We not only lose our precious grandchild, but also the child we once had, as they are forever changed by the terrible tragedy of loss.
I can’t take away your pain, I know that is true.
But I’d lay down my life, to make it better for you.
So many times I did pray, “Please take my life, and not Vaughn’s”,
Oh, to spare you the agony of trying to move on.
I feel so alone, not knowing what to do.
As I grieve for Vaughn, I grieve also for you.
I can’t make it right, can’t take it away.
I know how your arms ache day after day.
That I’m not there to hold you makes my heart break inside.
I wish I could dry those tears from your eyes.
What can I say? What can I do?
I feel so lost in how to help you.
You are my heart, and it’s breaking in two.
Day after day it aches so for you.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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Second Christmas©
Christmastime is here again,
A New Year will soon dawn,
And as we send this Christmas wish,
We remember our dear grandson, Vaughn.
He left this Earth so soon,
After his arrival in dark of night.
And into Heaven’s glory flew,
To be with Jesus, our Savior, the Light.
It was found at Christmastime,
This babe was on the way.
And he is loved forever…
In heart and memories he’ll always stay.
As you embrace this Christmas Season,
And all it truly means,
Remember, where there’s hope there’s life,
And on our Savior lean.
He came to us that Christmas,
In the dark of night.
He loves you, and wants to be your LORD,
And walk with Him, the Light.
Copyright by Dee Motto, December 2006
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A Candle for Vaughn©
Second Sunday in December.
Lord, I light a candle,
Tonight for my dear Vaughn.
You called him there to Heaven,
To be his forever home.
Lord, my heart is breaking,
Because I miss him so.
Only you know, Father,
Why he had to go.
And so a candle burns,
Within our home tonight.
I’m longing for the day,
When I can hold him tight.
Until then, dear Father,
Hold him close for me.
For a candle of hope burns also,
Deep inside, where no one sees.
Copyright by Dee Motto
On the 2nd Sunday of December, there is a Worldwide Candle Lighting in honor of all the loved ones we have lost. As each person... in their own time zone... lights a candle at precisely 7pm, and allows it to burn for one hour, there is a virtual wave of light that travels across the globe. I invite you to write this date on your calendar and join with us on this very special day. It is sponsored by The Compassionate Friends. For more information, please visit their website. http://www.compassionatefriends.org/
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Autumn’s Message©
I wrote this poem the first fall after our loss of Vaughn.
Trees ablaze in colors bright,
Reminds us fall is here.
And as they prepare
For a time of rest,
I long to have you near.
Autumn colors
Against the sky,
Reminds me of time gone by.
It’s now been three sad months,
Since we said good-bye.
Cooler days are welcome now,
After summer’s dreadful heat.
But ‘oft I wonder
With this hole in my heart,
How it continues to beat.
The news of fall,
And the winter to come,
Is that one day spring will return.
And as new life bursts forth,
We’ll recall what we’ve learned.
For as now we are
So faint of heart,
One day our spring will come.
And as we walk through Heaven’s gate,
The brightness will be the Son.
Until that time,
When one day there,
We will hold you near.
Our hearts will go throughout the years,
With hope amidst our tears.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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Beginning and End©
To say that life gets turned every which way is an understatement.
Where, Oh where,
Do I start to tell the tale?
Do I start at the beginning?
Do I start at the end?
For the end is the beginning,
And the beginning is the end.
The beginning bore good news,
But it also brought the bad.
The ending brought us joy,
But it also made us sad.
For many months we knew,
We’d have to say Good-bye.
The hello was much too brief,
All that’s left are sighs.
The end begins our journey,
Through this world of pain.
Yet we hold inside the hope,
To someday see you again.
Our hearts are torn apart,
Arms ache to hold you near.
Along this dark, dark road,
Memories of you appear.
We see you in our dreams,
We hold you in our heart.
We are anxious for that day,
We’ll never have to part.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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Changes©
Your life is forever changed when you look head-on into the face of loss.
Things that used to bring a laugh,
May now bring just a smile.
My life is very different –
Has been for awhile.
Ever since we lost him,
Things in life have changed.
Things that are important to me,
Have now been rearranged.
Patience is a virtue,
This is what they say.
But patience has a lesser part,
In my life today.
For all the little, trivial stuff,
Why should I have time?
I’ve lost someone dear to me,
Is lack of interest a crime?
Copyright by Dee Motto
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Comfort©
My daughter told me a vision she had just before Vaughn's spirit soared Heavenward. This poem describes that vision. It brought comfort to her, and it does to me, as well... because I know without a doubt that he was received into the safety of Jesus' loving arms.
Jesus stands on the water,
His arms opened wide,
To welcome the babe,
And hold him close at His side.
A mother walks toward him,
Babe clutched to her chest,
Then hands him the babe,
Who now is at rest.
She knows where he’s going,
Yet can’t join him there.
Her heart’s broken into,
But knows he’s in God’s care.
Someday she will travel,
To Heaven’s bright land.
Jesus will hand her the babe,
Then she’ll understand.
The reason will be unveiled,
To her on that glad day,
It will become crystal clear,
Then in Heaven they will stay.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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Deep©
This was written shortly after Vaughn's passing. Sometimes, it is still hard to break free of the darkness.
I see no light at the end of the tunnel,
No ray of sunshine, no glimmer of hope.
I only feel deep sadness and sorrow,
And wonder how bad it will be tomorrow.
The new day dawns, but I’m still in the night,
I cannot grasp why it should be so bright.
In the depths of my grief, I see no way out.
Some days I cry tears, some days I shout…
“Make it all go away – each bright new day.
It should always be night, I see no reason for light.”
While others happily go about their day.
I’m here in the darkness, and deep dismay.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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Nothing Is Easy©
No one could have ever told me just how very hard it is to lose a precious grandchild. It is beyond comprehension unless you yourself have been through it. God bless all the parents and grandparents who read this. If you have lost a child or grandchild, my heart goes out to you. If you have not, I pray you never will.
Nothing is easy about loss.
Not days of overwhelming sorrow,
Nor days that are more gentle.
There is a hurt compounded,
As you see the happy faces of others,
Going about their lives.
Even when joy comes you way,
It seems to leave faster that before.
Eventually you settle into this new life,
Accepting all that comes with it.
The loss and grief are now part of you,
And somehow you must move on.
Slowly comes the gentler days,
And you are so happy they are there.
But, then, again, the grief comes back…
Sometimes it seems from nowhere.
A simple thought… a word… a song…
Can tear your heart again.
No, nothing about loss and grief is easy,
But there is hope at its end.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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Gasping For Breath©
I would never be able to number the times I have felt this way.
Have you ever cried so hard,
You thought your heart would stop?
As it pounded so fast within your chest,
And you wondered if your lungs might collapse,
As you gasped for breath?
Did it scare you or bring you comfort
To think you soon might be with the one gone before?
Copyright by Dee Motto
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Safe Places©
Only God can bring comfort.
There are no safe places
To protect us from life’s heartaches.
There are no easy answers
That will help us when our heart breaks.
God above says He will be there
And that He will hear
The words of our prayer.
He’ll carry us through,
Until we can stand…
Until some day
We reach that fair land.
In Heaven so fair,
There won’t be any cares,
For Jesus, Himself, will wipe all the tears.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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Somewhere Near Heaven©
This is the poem I wrote not long before Vaughn was born. Somehow, writing it helped me accept God's plan for his life. And for ours.
Somewhere near Heaven’s gate, a small boy waits.
We do not know how much longer his journey will be,
However, at God’s timing, he will be called to enter through.
‘Midst snow white clouds and bright blue sky he will fly,
Into the arms of the one who calls him.
He did not ask to go, when he was conceived in his mother’s womb,
And at first, she did not know this was to be their fate.
"I have knit you", "I have made you", God has said.
He creates, and has every right to call His creation to return to Him –
No matter what their age.
Some He calls even before their mother knows they have been sent.
Some He calls before there is evidence that they are there.
Some parents are given a glimpse of the life that will not last.
Some are called farther along, even as the parents prepare for the happiness of their birth.
Sometimes parents are given a little more time – time to welcome – time to let go.
The boy’s mother has felt the joy of the life that grows within her.
He is limited in how much he can move, but he tries.
And even as he struggles for his life, his heart beats strong.
We do not know if the little boy will breathe at birth.
Whether he does or not, he is part of our family forever.
As the little boy runs into the arms of his Creator, we are sure of these truths:
He will know he is wanted, and he will know he is loved.
He will know there have been many prayers for him and his family.
He will know there are many left on earth that will always hold him in their hearts.
He will know that someday he will see them, and be held in their arms – forever.
Copyright by Dee Motto – July 29, 2005
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Three Months©
I wrote this in November, 2005, three months after losing Vaughn.
The colors of autumn
Have come at last.
It’s hard to believe
Three months have passed.
And like the coolness,
Of the morning dew,
My heart’s felt cold,
Since we lost you.
Days are now shorter,
And as night settles in,
I’m in the darkness,
Without and within.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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TIME©
I wrote this poem in September, 2005, the one month anniversary of Vaughn's birth and death. Many more months, and now even years, have gone by. Still my heart aches.
We’ve counted the days,
Since you’ve been gone.
We’ve counted the weeks,
And tried to move on.
Now it’s a month,
Since your spirit took flight,
And our hearts still remember,
That terrible night.
One week, two weeks,
Three weeks… now four.
How can our hearts
Stand so many more?
Too quickly the months
Will turn to a year.
Our hearts will still hurt,
And wish you were here.
Our hearts will miss you,
As the years go by.
You’ll be soaring in heaven,
Far beyond the sky.
For how many years,
We do not know,
But someday for each of us,
It will be our time to go.
Up through the clouds,
To that bright land,
Where we can hold you,
And walk hand in hand.
So as we remember you,
On this sad day,
May you feel our love,
There, far away.
You’ll stay in our hearts,
Forevermore…
Until that day,
They, too, can soar.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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We Remember©
October 15th ~ In Loving Memory
I wrote this poem for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. Please read the information below.
Infants innocent-
Innocence lost.
Realities realized-
Oh! Such a cost!
Lives conceived-
Lives lost.
Babies die-
Oh! Such a cost!
Little ones tiny-
Be it boy or girl.
Tears us apart-
Sets life in a whirl.
How could this be?
Why pay such a cost?
We wanted to keep
The child we have lost.
It’s all so unfair,
So hard to comprehend,
Why god for so short
A time to us lend.
A baby so precious,
So wanted, so loved.
And call it back,
To Heaven above.
Today we remember
The ones who have gone,
Before us to Heaven.
Oh! How our hearts groan!
Candlelight will glow,
At seven on this day,
As tonight we honor,
Ones who could not stay.
We’ll remember forever,
The babies we love,
‘Till we can be with them
In Heaven above.
Copyright by Dee Motto
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
In 1988, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October to be National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, in order to increase understanding and awareness of the over 1 million deaths each year of babies in pregnancy, or in the first few months of life.
Each year over a million families are touched by the tragedy of pregnancy and infant loss. In the United States, 1 in 100 births end in stillbirth. Almost 1 in 100 births results in infant death before one month of age. 1 in 4 documented pregnancies end in miscarriage. It is estimated that as many as 50% of all conceptions are lost to miscarriage.
This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.
In years past, families experiencing pregnancy and infant loss have had to suffer in silence. Their losses were not understood or acknowledged. However, families enduring loss need sensitive caregivers, understanding friends, and supportive families. Education and awareness are critical to ending the silence and meeting these needs. The goal is to educate others about pregnancy and infant loss and to support research to prevent future losses of beloved children.
Remember, every life is special, and every life should be remembered…even the smallest life. When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them.
Parents, grandparents, family, and friends deserve to grieve and talk about their babies, for weeks, months and even years after they left their arms for the last time. This is not only a right, but a need... a need to do this without judgment or criticism, and hopefully with empathy from those closest to them.
The Awareness Month, meant to bring to light the devastating losses suffered by so many each year, is marked by different ceremonies and services in different communities, including the many Walks to Remember held around the country.
For more information about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and events marking the month, go to www.october15th.com.
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Traveling©
Slowly, tenderly, God is sewing my torn heart back together. But it will always show the scars from the stitching.
I look to the Light,
And try to have faith.
And pray for healing,
And I wait.
They say that in time
The pain will be less.
How long I must wait,
No one can guess.
Life must go on,
Or so I’ve been told.
The journey takes time,
The way will unfold.
Down grief’s path
I travel along,
Seeking hope,
And perhaps a song.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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Wings©
Safe in the arms of God.
On the wings of love you soar above-
Earth’s dark and lonely nights.
On the wings of hope we tarry on-
Until in Heaven we can hold you tight.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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Why?©
Sometimes it is so hard to simply accept.
They tell us that time will heal every wound.
But these words mean nothing -
This is a wound that time cannot touch.
One that will become a part of us.
If there is a reason, we can’t understand,
How this could be a part of God’s plan.
A purpose – perhaps, in a life lost so soon?
And they tell us that he is in a better place.
How can that be, why don’t they understand?
The best place for Vaughn is here in our hands.
We wanted to nurture, to love and watch grow.
There is no comfort that can touch our torn soul.
Copyright by Dee Motto
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